Some people aren’t made to be content. I know I’m not. I’m okay with the feeling for all of three minutes, and then I search for some great struggle. I think that’s why I keep myself behind in schoolwork or why I get into so many arguments.
I can be fine for a couple of hours.
But then I need a cause.
I have the heart of a revolutionary, I think. But I really see nothing I want to fight for. Actually, that’s not true. But the way I’ve written this doesn’t allow for me to really talk about what’s worth fighting for, just that fighting is worth it.
We’ll get coffee. Talk about it some more. It’ll be great.
I’m really stressing about Rob meeting my mother’s parents and the subsequent family. I’m not worried at all about my dad’s side of things. I’ve always been the black sheep and they’ve always adored me for it. But Grandma Martha is vocally judgmental and openly disapproving. Funny how that goes, since she’s the one that goes to church services three days a week, while the other side of the family believes from their own homes.
And yet, this seems to be the case more and more. There’s a hypocracy in the church that begins with youth. “I’m too young to know my mistakes, the brevity of my actions, etc. I’m too young to realize sin and thus I fall for the snake’s secrets every time.”
The actions of a younger person are almost always criticized more heavily than a person who has built a life “sin” for forty or fifty years. I get four bibles for Christmas. My crazy crack-whore aunt Robin gets an afghan blanket.
Worry not, grandma, I know exactly what I’m doing with my life. This isn’t a gamble. The odds are in my favor. How can I throw away a life of love and happiness for the idea of a mythical afterlife?
Ahh. I hope this isn’t going to be a tense turkey day.
“I read once that the ancient Egyptians had fifty words for sand & the Eskimos had a hundred words for snow. I wish I had a thousand words for love, but all that comes to mind is the way you move against me while you sleep & there are no words for that.”—Brian Andreas